god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
