you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
