I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
