I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
