I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
