and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
