That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone came in the potted fern
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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