Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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