Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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