i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
