he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
