Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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