I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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