We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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