Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
how does that bad decision feel?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
