at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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