8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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