that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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