He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
