You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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