Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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