If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
