I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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