i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
