I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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