Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
