he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
