I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
