He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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