if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
