Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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