Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
