____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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