she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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