Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize