my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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