It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
