So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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