So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
