you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
