You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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