Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
