oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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