Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
