I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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