Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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