ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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