Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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