Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
