Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
