when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
