It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
