We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There r osticjed everywhere
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I AM VODKA MAN
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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