lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
