this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize