one word: firstdatebathroomanal
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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