Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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