There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
