Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
