i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
