their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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