I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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