Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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