Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
